M's Promise #2

Ok, I'm now set up so I can continue my promises without having to add a comment every time. Thanks Stace :). My promise for the day was going to be to spend some quality time with my son, which we did this morning. So, my promise for the rest of the evening is to get some of my homework done! I've been putting it off until a couple days before it's due and now it's time that I start being a little more proactive so I don't get so overwhelmed. So homework here I come!

Forgiveness

Today I'm pondering something. Forgiveness. It's a concept that is hard for me to embrace or even understand. In my defense, this flaw does come naturally to me and was passed down from my mom. (as I know at least one of my readers can attest to ;) The problem I have is, I saw my mom struggle with her choice to hold grudges just before she passed away. It was clear that she regretted them and made huge strides to make them right before her passing. So this leaves me conflicted. I have her same tendencies to do the same grudge holding, but I desperately don't want to face the sorrow and lost years she did. If there is one thing I know, it's life is short.

This thought left me looking for answers and I found some 'opinions' I guess that I think are a good start.  Yes I googled "forgiveness" and that's where these came from.

Matthew 18:21-22
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

(forgiveness) It is a choice, a decision we make. However, as we do this "forgiving," we discover the command is in place for our own good, and we receive the reward of our forgiveness—freedom.  - Mary Fairchild

“Sincere forgiveness isn't colored with expectations that the other person apologize or change. Don't worry whether or not they finally understand you. Love them and release them. Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time.” - Sara Paddison

Any opinions? or better yet advise on how to start?


Promise update - I was nice.

Promise 11- Call someone each day this week that I should talk to more often and tell them how much I love them.

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Spoiled? I mean despot.

"This time, you'll want to live intensely and avoid killjoy like the plague. In your domestic life, you'll tend to behave as a despot, and this may cause serious friction with your mate." - that is part of my horoscope today. 

Anyone wanna know what a despot is, well I did so I looked it up. It's,  "A ruler with absolute power, A person who wields power oppressively; a tyrant" Shit and I only call myself spoiled. Looks like I have some work to do. You should check out the new horoscope thing I have on my page... super inspiring as you can see.

Anyway, I was battling and you guessed it, stressing, about some work and personal things that are making me mad but this horoscope inspired me to stop. Whatever to my needless worry, I guess I'm headed to the casino. See ya tomorrow.

Promise update - no TV SUCKS BIG FAT... you know the rest but I did get that bath in.

Promise 11 - Despite my overwhelming urge, don't actually tell anyone 100% of what you think of them today, no good will come of it. (I guess that's a story for another day)

**S**

A Princess huh?

Looking back, there were signs. I mean she even raised my hormone levels high enough to ensure the announcement of her exsistance was made on Christmas Day.  Now that's a grand entrance. She messed with my sugar levels and gave me pregnancy induced diabetes. Turns out, she's a meat and potatoes kinda girl and my cookie intake probably didn't suit her palate. In true princess fashion, she showed up right on time, the fairest baby in the land. Our Princess was born, August 25, 2008 at a perfect 7 lb 4oz.

We didn't know at first, you know about her princess status. It took awhile for us simpletons to figure it out, but she did all she could to let us know.  She started with the most obvious sign, a trick. At 5 days old, she rolled over. We attempted to write it off as a fluke but she just kept at it, rolling over, day after day. We loved it, but to her disappointment we didn't know to send her back to her 'real' family, in a pink and purple sandcastle somewhere.

This oversight on our part caused her to up her game. If obvious magic and trickery didn't work, what better way then to be diagnosed with an almost extinct, third world disease? Thank you for filling that role Whooping Cough. At 44 days old, she spent a week in the hospital attempting to recover. Thank God, for the kiss from Prince Daddy came just in time and the spell was lifted quickly. In hindsight, I know this was when she realized we were her 'real' family and the pink and purple sandcastle wasn't coming. 

Once she got home, she was dismayed about her living conditions.  I mean, imagine the disappointment; the first 6 weeks of your life you believe your fated for grandeur, just to find out you get a simple house, normal crib and only one women to serve you... heart breaking!

The heartache showed nightly when I put her to bed. She simply could not sleep. I raked my brain on what could be wrong. I tried routine, music, swaddling, rocking, crying it out. I tried everything. It was one night, at my wits in that it hit me... THE PEA! There must be a pea under her mattress. I looked at her straight in the beautiful little face and explained bluntly, "I am sorry about the pea, it has been removed... in the future I will do what I can to insure proper sleeping conditions." She responded by sleeping soundly that night. That proved it, we were raising a true to life Princess.

Now that she is 2 going on 20, life is easier because she can explain how raising a princess works and she is extremely forthcoming with that information to insure I don't make any mistakes.
Ella: "I'm Princess."
Me: "I'm Mommy Princess."
Ella:"No, I'm a Princess, you're a Queen. A drama Queen."
Thanks for clearing that up for me, Sweetie!

There you have it folks, the true life fairly tail of Ella Princess and how she's surviving being raised by the average townswomen. I love you my sweet, Princess!

Promise update- So I ditched the bath and spent an hour picking up around the house for John. A little less spoiled I guess! Like I really need an extra reason to take a bath by promising to do it... I mean with that precedence, I should promise a mani pedi today!

Confession- I used my "promises" in a spoiled way today. I used it to solicit Mac to get my gym shoes out of the car by saying I would make my "promise" whatever he wanted.We all know now I'm a hooker!

Promise 10- no TV for 24hrs... it makes me lazy and distracted. I really don't like this one =( Gray's is new!!

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If at first you don't succeed...

My promise yesterday was to spend some one on one time with Pickle.  Excited, we decided to play Six Flags Fun Park on the Wii. A few moments into playing, we were halted when we heard Princess screaming her pretty little head off, awake from her nap. We tried to continue, but reading the silly tasks of the game isn't really fun when a two year old is throwing a fit at your feet and trying to grab the controller out of your hand.

After that 45 minute ordeal, we decided on a plan, put the game away, eat dinner and then watch Open Season. Easy enough and fun too, so I thought.  This plan translated into, stop the game, eat a nasty experiment called Mom's dinner,  and watch Open Season NOT work in the DVD player.

Ok, Ok... that fine! Let's order Shrek Ever After. I love Shrek and Pickle has wanted to see the movie forever. Plus, I really scored points by suggesting it because Mac always tells him ordering from the TV is too expensive. Giddy, Pickle grabs blankets and 6 pillows to set up a bed on the couch. He lets me snuggle him on the couch (at 7 this is BIG) and I was on cloud 9... for ummm maybe 5 mins, that's when the ice from the big ice storm froze over our satellite dish and the cable went out.  No more SHREK.

Netflix! We will order something on Netflix, I suggest so quickly it was almost like someone else was using my vocal cords! Tension was running high for the OG and I desperately wanted to keep my status as preferred cuddler. Netflix was better than nothing. As it turned out, the best part of this plan was it didn't matter if Princess was repeating "I wanna watch princesses, I wanna watch princesses." OVER and OVER again, because it took only about 2 minutes to realize there was going to be no movie. The internet was out.

At this point I hang my head in defeat and took Little Miss Annoying to bed. When I came back, I expect to find Pickle freaking out but instead he had Family Feud in his hand. Great idea boy. We had a great time playing... until we lost in the final challenge questions with 198 points because the Wii controller stopped working... We were on EASY.

I had to put Pickle to bed after that.  So in the end, I got my cuddles and he got quite a story of misfortune to tell all day. I guess my promise was successful. I think we'll both always remember the night we were cursed.

Promise 9: Take a bath and relax, it's been a fun but long day with 5 kids!  What? I literally had this as my promise for 30 mins... see why this is self titled spoiled?? Ok, Real Promise give the house a good picking up before you crash, Mac will like not coming home to clutter due to 5 kids.

**S**

The OG

Once upon a time, in a far away suburb of Dayton, Ohio there was a young tired salesman and his stressed out student fiance. This brisk April night, they walked to a hole in the wall bar near their apartment and proceeded to ingest MANY jager bombs.  Before the night was over, their bar tab was astronomical...

Fast forward 4 weeks and this is where my story begins...

I was headed home from school the day after Mothers Day 2003, I was feeling queasy and paranoid, so I decided to picked up a cheap pregnancy test to calm my nerves.  I went home and took the test. Even before I turned to wash my hands, there were some crazy lines showing up on the test. My mind raced, "What the hell, stupid cheap test, I need name brand!" One hour and 2 tests later, it was confirmed - I was knocked up. So I did what any responsible young adult would do after finding out that news, stood out on my balcony, smoked 3 cigs and cried.

About 29 weeks along, at a routine doctors appointment, my doctor noticed unusually high blood pressure and some swelling. It was a matter of  days before I was put on bed rest in the hospital with preeclampsia. The few weeks I spent in the hospital were the lowest and most depressing of my life. I spent my days reading books about the day by day progression of my pregnancy and sleeping. I didn't want to see anyone and felt completely sorry for myself.

I was 33 weeks and 1 day along with the doctor came in and said, "Put that cinnamon roll down... if I was a betting man, I'd say there will be a baby today." My heart stopped mid beat. I'm not really sure what I thought had been going on the last few months, but for some reason it wasn't until those words that I realized there was a baby and he's too little and he was coming. 100% of my focus left myself instantly and sheer panic entered my heart for the little baby coming too early... The book had said, make it until 34 weeks and you're good... I was only 33.

During the cesarean delivery, I could only think of one thing, something my doctor had said during my first prenatal visit. "Sorry I'm late, I had to deliver a preemie... he could breath on his own though, that makes such a difference." I literally could not think of anything else, "If he can breath on his own, it will make such a difference. If he can breath on this own, it will make such a difference." At 12:32 pm, Friday, November 14, 2003 Pickle Head was born a whopping 4 lb 1oz and screaming at the top of his little working lungs.  Almost exactly 2 weeks later, our healthy little boy was sent home with us. That's when everyone sighed in relief. Well, everyone but me, that's when my worry really kicked in.

I worried sick about EVERYTHING. One time I almost had a panic attach because I wasn't sure if I rinsed his bottle well enough after washing it.  He would spend days, and I mean truly days, without crying. I worried about that. He was so well behaved that I knew it was freakish and that too... you guessed it, worried me. I'm very sure I lost years of my life the first few months of his life, simply from lack of sleep (you know, because I was up watching him while he was SLEEPING the night through) and worry.  I remember looking at him with the real literal thought in my head that he was too good to be true.


Pickle, he is 7, tan skinned and dark featured like his father. A mini-me of Mac really, you wouldn't know  he was mine if it wasn't for his personality and crazy obsession with sweets.  He's still pretty well behaved but I'd say he's lost the freakishly good label. One thing that hasn't changed though is my worry for him. For some reason I still worry sick about him. In preschool, he lost a little pigment around his left eye. The dermatologist said there is really no way to know if that would every spread or why it happened. I sometimes stay up night thinking about the challenges that would cause him if it spread and I panic I won't be able to prepare him.  Two Christmas's ago he started a weird tick with his eyes and I spent months thinking of brain tumors and tourettes. The real truth, though, is I'm crazy and he is a healthy and smart and the most amazing boy ever. He's the Original Gangster and he made us a family.

Promise update: So I sent the link to a couple of friends and they are reading it or at least clicked on it =) Thanks guys

Promise 8: Spend a couple of hours really playing and talking to Pickle. It's time to appreciate the OG

**S**

Join Me!

I've decided to shift my focus a little with this blog. I'd like to find, not only housewives, but wives in general who also have an interest in being held accountable for their lives. Women who are willing to document their choice to accept responsibility for their lives and where it's going. Today, I'm going to start looking for wives that want to join me in making 365 promises to themselves and sharing their journey online; the good, the bad, the exciting, and the boring.

Wives out there.. who is willing to tell their story. Who admits that their life could be better if they took charge of their decisions and led a more purpose driven life? Mine would be. We could throw out daily topics to write about like sex, babies, getting old, etc. We could read other stories and give advise and no bullshit feedback. This blog won't be for the "poor me" or "it's not my fault" kinda gals. Call me gay but it sounds like fun to me. Also, everyone would have to write everyday like I do... that's something I promised to do because I want to focus on my writing. I think the important thing would be to set how ofter you "promise" to write and go from there.

So, where do I start this since I don't even know how to get people to my blog? Great question seeings as though one week ago I wasn't even going to tell my husband about this new little hobby. I guess I will have to send a link to the few wife friends I do have and see how it goes!

Listen my wife friends... don't laugh at me bitches! I love you guys, who wants to do this with me?? Any takers?

Promise update - I started on a B vitamin today, I'm hoping that will help me! Fingers crossed

Promise 7 - send this link to some people I trust not to make fun of me ;)

**S**

How tired is too tired?

So unless you're about as perceptive as a possum, you may have noticed the last couple of days haven't been the greatest. My moody craziness seeping through now? Normally, I would not have admitted to anyone that I was feeling that out of whack, both Friday and Saturday, I couldn't think of one non self loathing thing to post about.  I still wasn't able to sit down and really articulate exactly what was wrong, but I'm hoping that will come with time. I could sit here and list the reasons for my mood; we were almost late to Princess's first dance class, we got in a fender bender and Mac completely blamed it on me, I was tired because I stayed up late both nights, and just for argument sake, I'm sure Mac and the kids were being pretty annoying but the confusing thing is, the list of great stuff those two day's is even longer; Princess had her first dance class and we were not late, Pickle started guitar lessons, I took a 2.5 hour nap on Friday, hung out and had a movie date with Mac Friday night, saw a movie without the kids on Saturday while Mac cleaned the house TOP TO BOTTOM, Pickle had a friend stay over and went shopping for fun clothes for Princess... A dream weekend for most. The moral of the story, my mood wasn't proportionate to what was going on.

Now that I can take a clear look at things, I think I'm going to focus on the cause being how tired I was. Both Thursday and Friday I stayed up until about 2 am and got up around 8 (of course Friday I did have a 2.5 hr nap). For most, this may have made them a little tired and grumpy but I don't think my level of being tired was really, I don't know, "normal." By 5 pm on Saturday, I was in tears because Mac wanted to go out and I didn't. We even got in a huge blow up steaming from the fact I didn't want him to go without me, part because I was mad I couldn't go because I was so tired and part because if he goes out late, I have trouble sleeping until he gets home... AND I NEEDED SLEEP! Either way, it was 100% a stupid fight.

I think I'm going to investigate a medical cause for this. I workout 2-4 times a week, I quite smoke 3 years and 3 months ago, I eat lean meat and very limited fast food. The only way I could see that I contribute to this, is when I eat too many sweets and I do like to drink, which I do 1-3 times a week (but didn't do Friday or Saturday).

Now that everyone is snoozing, please don't stop reading my blog. I promise, I will have cute, clever, funny, hopefully well written posts mixed in with my moody, self reflection post. I'd love to hear comments! good, bad or otherwise.

 Promise update - bed a 11 and up at 8 then a quick resleep until 9 - feeling a lot better

Promise 6 - Do some research on vitamins and supplements that may help with energy and being tired. I'm not currently on any vitamins, so this seems like a good place to start!

**S**