There is a reason for this...

I got WAYYY too lazy with writing. I've lost my "purpose each day" attitude. This morning I woke up thinking about the blog since I just wanted to stay under my covers and not get up. So, I'm back... need a little pick me up!

Ok, promise, promise. Something easy to start off with. I am going to spend tomorrow thinking about my goals for the next month and put them on paper. Really on paper and set a plan to achieve them.

I am sorry blog, that I abandoned you. I promise you were created in love and I have not forgotten you.

M~ I think we talked about this - Men are stupid. You want a baby, not crazy hormones that you don't understand! Focus on appreciating things when you feel good and cut yourself some slack when little Mike is making you crazy!

Crap

CRAP! I've forgotten to make my promises lately!! Let me first say that my attitude has improved...I just had to do a quick readjustment. YAY!! Have to think of a promise...Been soooo busy lately. Will post tomorrow with something worthwhile.

~M~

Needing advice

So, I've been very impatient lately, grumpy at times, I guess just not in a bad mood but not in a great mood. My hubby brought it to my attention last night, which I already knew, but he also said it seems like I'm not excited to be pregnant!! I really don't want him to feel like that. I am 5 months now, and one would think I'd be ecstatic, especially given how long I've wanted this. I have NO ill feelings towards having a baby, it's just my mood sucks. And I don't know why and I don't know how to fix it!!! The only thing I can think is b/c I'm so busy with work, school, house stuff, and have been stressing about all of the stuff I want done around the house before the baby comes. But really? I don't think that's a good enough excuse, we're about to have a huge blessing arrive at our door steps in 4 months!!!!! I should be jumping for joy!

So....If anyone has any advice for me, it would be greatly appreciated. I'm kinda at a loss here.

~M~

Just a follow-up...

Hey, I just wanted to let you know I am still writing. I don't think it is really possible for me to do it everyday, though I am going to try. I get really frustrated if I don't feel like writing and just end up writing a bunch of stupid nonsense. So, with that said, I am on the road to working hard this year and there are some new, exciting, scary things at work.  I've been crazy busy but have continued to make my promises (for the most part) and really push myself not to slack. I'm still a work in progress but it's going. :) I still have to finish my cyst story though because it is only 1/2 over... I'll need to make time for that! Good night!

Promise: finish the last bit of work stuff I have to do. It has been piling up and I've made a dint so I need to keep it up!!!

My Promise

Figured after all that, I should definitely make a promise to change something. I promise to change how frustrated I get. Instead of getting so frustrated, I will take deep breaths and remember how unimportant whatever's going on is. ~M~

What to title this? Who knows!

One of those evenings...in a decent mood, but nothing spectacular due to the normal daily stresses...working all day, then accidentally dumping my son's entire plate of dinner in the sink, upside down of course, when I only really made enough for him, and then knowing that I have to put in at least 2 hours of homework and studying tonight b/c this Math crap is starting to go a little over my head and I have a quiz tomorrow. And in the midst of studying, I decide to take break and read the Spoiled Housewives post. Then I find that S has written! YAY! And as I read, I realize something (other than the fact that I really need to keep in better contact with S) ...spilling my son's plate of food, and having to do homework, and all of my normal stresses from work, all really equal out to one big who gives a fuck. Seriously. I could be spending the day mourning the loss of someone I love, like my very best friend is and doesn't deserve to be. My stupid little stresses are just that, stupid. And I better get my crap together and start cherishing things more and getting less stressed over dumb stuff. So S - Thanks for putting things back into perspective for me. And I'm so sorry you are hurting. There's really no words for it. I know it has been quite a few years now, but that doesn't matter, there are still really no words for it, other than saying I love you and I hope you know that even if we were to go 10 years without talking, I am always here for you and feel the same way about you and our friendship as I always have. ~M~

April 12, 1997

Fourteen years ago today, my mom died. I was just a few months past 15 when I sat in a hospital waiting room and saw a doctor walk out and motion my dad. I followed them both to a hallway, where I saw the look on my dads face and I knew.

I could go on awhile about what happened to my mom, about what was wrong with her and how it could have been avoided. It wasn't cancer or a car crash... it was simply a fixable medical problem that medical people failed to figure out in time. I could and probably will one day on here, go on about the shock and frustration of unexpectedly losing a key member of my life, but for some reason, I don't feel like doing that today. Today, I feel like talking about life.

One year from today, I will have known my mom dead, just as long as I knew her alive. In many ways, I know her more dead because I couldn't possible remember time when I was very young but I have vivid memories of all my 14 years without her. This scares me in so many ways.

She was only 42, I have young friends who are 42. They are just getting married for the first time. My dad lost his wife after only 23 years of knowing her... Mac and I have known each other for 14. Could we really be only 9 years away for our life together being over, at only 29 years old? I have lived almost most of my life as a motherless daughter but have only just begun my journey on the other side of that equation, as a mother to a daughter. What if that journey got cut short for me. What if I had to miss well over a majority of my daughters life or my sons?

All of that is scaring me today. Some April 12ths are just like normal days, some are plagued with moody fits of frustration or crying... today was just a little panicky.  I don't want time to go so fast. I don't want to know my mom more dead then alive, I don't want to have 1/2 a life with my husband or children. I want to live like my mom didn't have a chance to. I hope I look back in soooo many years from now and I can say I did that.  I promise to give it hell.

I love you and miss you mom!

"And there's holes in the floor of Heaven
and her tears are pourin down
that's how you know she's watchin'
wishin' she could be here now
and sometimes when I'm lonely
...I remember she can see
there's holes in the floor of Heaven
and she's watchin' over you and me" ♥ ♥

M's Promise for the week

My promise for the week is to get organized!! I have a LOT of things to do and I can't do them until I get everything planned out and organized! ~M~

M

Yay! So glad to hear you're working on your children's book! Well, I think my promise is going to be to work on my balance. I need to do better at balancing house work, my projects around the house, time with my family, my laziness, etc. Not sure how to really do that other than being more aware of it, but I'll figure it out. ~M~

book

I am having so much fun working on my children's book I forgot about you Spoiled today. I will get to you!

Outta time

I didn't have time to finish my story so I will continue my Cyst story tomorrow. All is good. Good night and I will see you tomorrow.

LOFL

LOFL - I just made that up for your story S, that is F'ing hilarious (not laughing at your pain, just the story). That's the S I know, telling your story like a pro. Must admit, I've never really wanted to know THAT much info about a vag cyst, but I definitely learned something new. Not wishing for any kind of infection here, but man, your story puts all my little crappy promise blogs to shame... Well I'm glad you're back and feeling better!!! My next promise....do some research on adding an enclosed porch or a deck or something of the sort to our house. Not sure hubby would go for it, but it at least deserves some research. ~M~

Bartholin Cyst Part 1

Tuesday AM - Ok, so it starts with slight swelling... you know, down there. Defined by Wikipedia as : A Bartholin's cyst is formed when a Bartholin's gland is blocked, causing a fluid-filled cyst to develop. A Bartholin's cyst is not an infection, although it can be caused by an infection, inflammation, or physical blockage (mucus or other impediment) to the Bartholin's ducts (tubes which lead from the glands to the vulva). If infection sets in, the result is a Bartholin's abscess. Yup, it is just about as fun as it sounds.

Sooooo.... I made a call to my doc and I'm all "Hey, I'm getting a Bartholin cyst and I need some antibiotics." The nurse calls in some meds and ASSURES me to call if it gets worse.

GUESS WHAT... it got worse.

Wednesday 6:30 PM - Me: "Yo nurse, call me first thing in the morning. I am hurting like a hooker after a double shift! I'd say it's a no go on the meds!!"

do dee do dee doooo.... 7:30 PM - worse, 10:00 PM -try to sleep, 7 AM - start trying to call the doctor. This was a little game I like to call, Make S GUESS what time you open up because you don't say it on your RECORDING!" (note: this game is only REALLY fun when you have severe pain in the vaginal area, thighs and lower belly, as well as a good solid 3 hours night sleep).

Thursday 8:30 AM - I get a hold of the nurse and explain that the antibiotics are NOT working and I needed to come in and get the abscess drained. She ever so nicely responds, "The doctor will be in in a few. I will consult with her and get back to you. You know how it is with people on vacation and babies being born."

Fun side note: Pickle enters at 8:35 AM crying with an ear infection. I call his doc and get an appointment at 1:00 PM and call my 11 AM appointment to cancel AND call a babysitter for Princess because OF COURSE, the hubby is headed outta town at 10 AM.

Ok, back on track here; the nurse calls back and informs me they are short on doctors and I had to go to the emergency room (located down stairs from my doc). I wasn't really happy about this but a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.

I enter the emergency room and they take me right back. A nurse comes in, takes a look at 'it' and says, "Ok, I've never drained one of those. I mean, I think I can. I'm sure I probably can but I'll call your doc and they will have to come down." I'll admit, that made my blood pressure rise a little.

Next, a male doc comes in. He takes a look and asks some reasonable questions including the statement, "Dr.Beth must not know you are here." ummmm correction guy, I did call her first. Then he asks if I have a ride home from the ER. I explain about Pickles ear infection and husband going out of town so therefore I have to decline the pain meds because I wouldn't be able to drive. He then decides to go on and on ... and OOOONNNN about how painful the draining process is and how I'm such a brave soul for sticking this out without pain meds. Keep in mind, I have had these before. I'd say 6 or so and have NEVER had pain meds. By the time he was done, I felt like I was going in for open heart surgery without anesthesia. My blood pressure continued to elevate.  He leaves my area and stands behind the curtain and schools a group of residents on how my VAG is infected.

Finally, a doc from my office comes in, drains the cyst, gives me pain med prescription, smacks me on the ass and sends me on my way to the tune of $150.00 upfront and more money due later.

I know what you are all wondering. What is the condition of your vaginal area at this point? Well, let me tell you, she went up inside me, cut a hole, drained the infection and inserted a catheter to continue to drain the infection.With all that, I feel quite a bit better with the pressure gone.

I then rush to my 11 o'clock appointment, run past the babysitter to get Pickle for his doctor appointment, run to the pharmacy to pick up all of our meds, go back to the babysitter, get Princess, run past a fast food joint for lunch/dinner and make it home around 4 PM. I am throbbing at this point. I then indulged in some pain meds. Ohhh thank GOSH!!!

The END. bahahahahahahah yeah right. Part 2 coming tomorrow!

M for the next few days

For the next few days, my promise is to work on the filing and shredding that absolutely needs done. It will definitely take me a few days. Also, I will get "all dolled up"...We're interviewing at work so that gives me a reason to HAVE to look nice, and I'm sure my hubby will appreciate it. ~M~

workin hard or hardly workin??

night everyone.

Bartholin Cyst

Definition: The Bartholin's glands are located on each side of the vaginal opening. These glands secrete fluid that helps lubricate the vagina. Sometimes the openings of these glands become obstructed, causing fluid to back up into the gland. The result is relatively painless swelling called a Bartholin cyst. At times, the fluid within the cyst may become infected, resulting in pus surrounded by inflamed tissue (abscess).

Yeah it's a fun as it sounds! I can't really write right now cause the hubby is staring over my shoulder. I really need to write sooner in the day! I promise to tommorrow.

Ok, off to the doc tommorrow to make sure this stuff is taken care of! <3

M

Yay! So glad you're back (and alive, I was beginning to wonder). :) Same old promise for me, I'm getting VERY tired of hearing myself promise this ... More work to come on the baby room. But this time I'm going to try my new 30 minute approach. Where I run in the room, practically with my eyes closed, and throw almost everything away. And then run out and not second guess myself. If I continue on the way I've been doing it, I'll be sorting out every battery and key and dumb little thing I haven't seen in 7 years until this baby is like 10!! ~M~

Recovering

I'm gonna have to wait a bit on my story. Right now I'm jacked up on pain meds and couldn't articulate it right anyway. Tonight I'm resting after a busy day of obligations. It feels great to relax without so much pain!!

Promise tonight - stop give my husband a hard time for being an asshole last night

Ok, so I know your all like WTF.. She promised us a story about her vagina then bails again... Just an update the story it to be continued at the er now. Don't worry, I'm fine just pissed! I'll let y'all know soon!!

I'm back - again

Hey M!! I'm so sorry I haven't written.  I really think I have been going through one of those periods I was referring to when I started this blog and said I didn't know if I was bored, lazy or depressed.  I'm not sure I would call it depressed because I don't really feel depressed. In fact, I went to SC and had a great time. It is more anxiety related. I start to worry and feel anxious and it's really all that I can think about.

I stopped writing because I couldn't make room in my brain to stop and think about anything other than what I was worrying about. Let me be clear, my worry is completely self created and usually doesn't have much truth to it. I, for some reason, choose a couple of things and dwell and dwell on them for weeks sometimes.  I couldn't really write because... well I would figure out I'm a crazy lady! haha No really,  I felt to bad continuing to just say 'hi' or a quick I'm pissed off and I wouldn't take the time to really look at the issues and think clearly and articulate it, so I decided to stop writing and worry and feel bad about it instead.

Well, I'm back and going to take a stab at all this again. =)

M, this is gonna sound silly, but it really means a lot to me you're still writing. I don't know, I thought maybe you would stop because you thought I bailed... I didn't even check your message because I felt bad, how silly is that??

Coming tomorrow - a detail account of how it feels to have a resident doctor drain a cyst on your VAG... it's a can't miss!

hmmm promise promise sit down and do some financial planning stuff that is over due for SDNT!

M

Making progress on the baby room! My promise for tonight is to spend more time on it. Boring promise, I know, but it has to be done. And it's starting to look cleared out, so that's motivating!

~M~

M's Next Promises

Good wonderful Friday morning!! I am so happy it's Friday AND it's beautiful out!

I am making my promises now for today and this weekend...

First of all, my last promise still stands, which I actually haven't started yet, other than making a list of what needs to be done in that room....START WORKING ON THE BABY ROOM! Oh, and I found a crib/changing table/dresser set that I really like for a good price. That's a start!

My next promise for the weekend is to get all "dolled up" TWICE between now and Sunday. My husband is probably tired of seeing me with my hair pulled back, in a t-shirt and comfy pants. But he hasn't said anything, he has been very understanding lately. :)

M - Oops I forgot

I totally forgot to comment on S's Girls Day post, and I meant to....Can I say that I totally agree, and oddly enough, that saying is subconsciously one of the ways I can tell who my closest friends are. And not only can you go periods of time and then get right back to where you are when you do talk or get together, you miss these very close people! I don't "miss" a lot of people outside of family, so for those of you very, very few that I do, I'm sorry for not keeping in better contact and I love you guys! As I've gotten older, my group of friends has gotten way smaller, and that's really how I prefer it, b/c I know that the friends I have now are my closest, most reliable, caring and TRUE friends, and I love them like they're my family (of course that's you S!).

So I have a few days off before the next quarter of school starts back up, so I want to get a little bit of my baby room done! There is TONS to do in that room where we've dumped everything for years, so I figure I should start, even if it's just a little at a time. So that's my promise!

Side note to S - I really miss the times when I'd pull this website up to find you had posted a long narrative story that made me laugh, cry, and think haha, that's so S. I know life is very busy, so I definitely understand...I just wanted to tell you that you're an EXCELLENT writer and I really miss your stories, and I hope you can get back to them soon. Not just b/c I want to read them, but b/c I know you like to write and it helps to reminisce, reflect, etc.

Apparently I like to write too, b/c I'm frickin writing a book here, so ta ta for now, should probably go do something other than find another reason to sit on this couch and be lazy. :)

Hi!

M - Crazy evening accomplished

Aaah, it feels so nice to have this crazy evening accomplished successfully. And now I'm sitting on the couch with a slushy and my blanket in my PJ's, lovin it. Now this is relaxing!!

M

This is going to be a crazy evening, and my head is already starting to hurt...so my promise for tonight is to not go crazy. We have a MILLION things going on tonight, but I can't be crazy b/c I have my Math final tonight. So I guess a better promise is to try to stay as relaxed as possible this evening.

~M~

Period

I'm convinced my period is causing me to go crazy! Ever since I had my Princess I have been a crazy lunatic about 10 days of the month, 5 before my period and 4 after it starts.  I'm finally getting over myself and getting laundry, bill and other stuff I didn't do done. Crazy. I think this might be part of my problem. My vitamin B has really helped but I'm out of control with this period mess!!!! <3 you!!

Promise - hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm mail some stupid shoes tomorrow that I was suppose to months ago so I can get a rebate!

Promise - WHAT NUMBER?

I promise to reevaluate my promises. It's been too long of a boring wring rut I've been in.

Girls Day

Wonderful girls day with a mani and pedi with my princess.

It's been said that everlasting friends can go long periods of time without speaking and never question the friendship.These types of friends pick up like they just spoke yesterday, regardless of how long it has been or how far away they live, and they don't hold grudges.They understand that life is busy...but you will ALWAYS love them.♥ thanks M~ and Cat =) and just a few others!

<3 Promise <3 I just don't know. I'm kinda lost right now

M's Next Promise

Having a weekend with my hubby starting tomorrow afternoon. So tonight my promise is to really enjoy my time with my son and get stuff organized.

Then for tomorrow - Have as much fun as possible with hubby! I want to really be in the moment, no stress, only enjoying my time with hubby.

YAY!! ~M~

OUT

A night out on the town with the hubby. I am getting a handle on my mood and will be writing more interesting things soon! =)


Promise 37 I think-laundry FINISH it!

M

I'm just now reading S's last couple of posts, and sorry S, the SHIT made me laugh. But it also made me realize that maybe my day wasn't as bad as I thought it was. :)

My next promise, don't let people at work get to me! There is always going to be crap at work and crappy people at work. I should know that by now, and I can't let my raging hormones go even crazier now b/c of this not so new-found fact.

~M~

Goodnight! So tired and Pickle has a doctors appt tomorrow.

Promise: bed and up early. Let's get a handle on what's going on with his ears.

shit

Yup, my little Princess took shit and played with it in her room today. Thanks for that my little lady. What a fun day... it got better by having family over, which I am yet to talk about, but I'll jump to the point and say I was being sarcastic. Fun times... drinking some wine and hanging with my hubby

Promise- finish the house stuff I started

I'm BACK :( and sorry!

I forgot to post Saturday... I didn't forget Sunday, I just didn't do it. Instead, I just thought about doing it obsessively for hours but just didn't do it.  Today, I was up and productive and got my anxiety under control.  I feel a lot better.

It's weird, I will literally sit in my anxiety without doing anything about it. A perfect example, sit and feel bad I forgot to post on Saturday soooo don't post Sunday. Why? So I feel bad Monday for Sunday? I guess this is part of my "issues" and why I am doing this.

Thank you for missing me M!! I have been doing my promises and prioritizing my mind set to make changes this year. I really think I have. For one I have figured out I really need my B complex vitamin otherwise I feel like SHIT... I also figured out sex is good for stress... haha

Sorry to myself for my freak out... I'm back on track!

Promise 35- Cleaning, Pickle has a music concert and family is coming over!!

M's Promise

Forgot to post my promise - Get my homework done! This course is almost over and I've got a very low A, aiming to keep it that way. Working on it as we speak, so gotta go!

S, Where Are You?

S, it has been a few days and I've missed reading your posts. Don't forget why you wanted to do these posts, mainly the promises. Even though you haven't been posting them, I hope you're still promising and fulfilling those promises behind the scenes. ~M~

M's Next Promise

This was a great, well-balanced weekend. I couldn't have "promised" it any better - Got a lot accomplished around the house, celebrated Mom's bday, and spent some fun quality time with my fam. I've been doing a lot of brainstorming about my latest mission, so my next promise will be to put all of my ideas in writing and into a formal plan.

Thanks for keeping me accountable!

~M~

Posting

When I first started writing this blog, I would post in the morning. Now I'm posting in the PM. AM postings coming up to see if that bring more to write about!

 Good luck with your promise M. Let me know how it turns out.

Promise 34 for the weekend ~ get some research time in!!

BLAH BLAH

So I'm a little over a month into this and I have already lost focus. I still think this blog is a great thing though. It is like that nagging thing hanging over my head. Like I have said before, I'm doing this because I have a motivation, follow-through problem. I am getting lazy again and the day to day is just to 'boring' to write about or I just don't want to bother with it.  I need to put my prospective in check. My promises have become less focused or nonexistent. My writing is boring and that's if I even bother to write more than one sentence.  hmmmm this needs to change don'cha think??

Promise 34-  figure out how your going to turn this around. <3

M's Promise until...

So I have a new mission. It's personal, so not going into the details. But we have an issue to solve. I'm going to think of creative ways to do so, i.e. make a chart, focus every day, etc. We will resolve this issue!!

~M~

Time

Really need to find time to write! Love you all!!

Promise Update

Making more headway than expected. I have read the book and done the survey, so now only homework is left. Shouldn't be too hard to have completed in the next day or 2, so I should be posting soon with another promise.

M's Promise #23

Completed my last 2 promises. I am going to use the same promise for #23,#24 and #25 (through the end of this week). I have a TON of work to get done for school by next Tuesday and I also have almost a whole book to read and also a survey to complete for work by next Tuesday as well. So my promise for these next few days is to make as much progress on those as possible.

~M~

Goodnight! Really have no promises to make- feeling kinda like shit.

WORK

Holy COW- Lots of work to do today. It felt great considering my normal procrastination has me stressed to the max! I would love to write but it's my day to get up with the kiddos tomorrow.

Promise 33 Take Miss Princess to the library tomorrow and do some research for my book "project"

Promise #21 and #22

Yesterday's promise was made but not posted. And simple. Enjoy my time out of town with our family. We had a great time and made the most of the short visit.

Promise #22 - I have already been working on this today...But it's to continue getting some things done, including getting my tax info together, getting Microsoft installed on this new laptop, etc.

~M~

Promise 31 & 32 Regroup these promise, I've lost track of why I'm doing all this!

I wrote this Saturday NOT Sunday!!

Let me clarify, I am drunk. It is 4 am Saturday morning and I am drunk. This is kind of an experiment as to how this will sound in the light of day. Nothing notable happened, just an inkling of an issue and my drunken mind thinks (right now anyway) that this might be a good time to talk about it... I guess I'll see about that.

Mac and I pawned off the kids this weekend and went to play poker. We played for about an hour, Mac was sent packing and left me to win back our $180.00.Once he was out of the tourney, Mac went around the corner to the bar to wait for me... several hours later I joined him, just as much a winner as he was.

When I got there, he was extremely, noticeably drunk... which isn't my reason for this post. It's the weird mean look that he had that caught my attention. He was mad... at me, which I didn't understand because I wasn't even there and had done nothing to cause him any anger. Tonight, we got home and after a few off comments he went to sleep.

Right now we manage this issue. Nothing note worthy has ever happened and to this point everything has been managed to never cross a line that we couldn't return from, but still, I would say this is our number one "issue"

**S**

Too bad I forgot to hit publish post... hahah I said I was drunk!

Weekend

It's has been a string of fun and busy weekends. I guess we better take advantage of this before our busy summer starts. =)

Promise update still working on that todo
Promise 31- I DON'T KNOW!!!  I've been keeping this in my back pocket for a time like this. No facebooking this weekend. ummmmm.... that will suck but it is an addiction of mine so it will be good I guess.

M's Promise #19

Well I'm still making progress on my planning...Still have more to go but with so many people involved in the decisions and dates, I'm okay with that.

Promise #19 - We may be going to KY this weekend (can't wait) and I have tons to do to get ready! So I'm going to make a list and get the stuff done between this evening and tomorrow afternoon.

~M~

FAILED

I didn't do my to do list. This is a list of bullshit that includes things such as give my dog a bath and pay pay the electric bill. I'll say this is stuff I should have done and didn't. I failed.

Promise 30 - do promise 29 and then make up for promise 30

M's Promise #18

I almost have our summer vacation plans finalized! Yay! So I'm extending Promise #17 into Promise #18...Another day of working to get these decisions made asap and I may just have them done! Short and sweet tonight, b/c I want to do some more research on a getaway for hubby and I.

~M~

Good Night!

I'm off to bed. So very sleepy tonight. I'll have more comments tomorrow. <3

Brainstorming is starting. I am very excited.

Promise 29 finish up that to do list I started how many promises ago - That is a big fat FAIL on my part, fix it tomorrow women!

Comment regarding S's Comment

Sorry, it just won't allow me to comment for some reason...I must be doing something wrong...So in response to your comment, here's what i was trying to write....

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! I half felt the same way you do when I was typing my response. But then on the other hand, life's a balance...And if I can spend 3 hours a week on homework and get a B in the class, should I do that instead of 8 hours a week and get an A and be way more stressed and busy? Also, I'm getting very discouraged with school, now that I realized it will take me at least 4 MORE years to just get my Associates...So should I risk stressing myself out so much that I quit? I dunno...Am I just being a really big baby who's looking for a reason to quit b/c the going got tough??? (By the way, hubby gave me a lecture on this the other night too.)

Dreams

If you could have anything in the world, what would it be? Money, love, children... It's an interesting question, don'tcha think? A pretty easy one to. People seem to completely understand what they want more of, things they miss or long for, what would make them feel good.  So why ask that question, what about instead asking, 'what are you realistic willing and not willing to do, to have said thing'. I've never really thought about this before.

I wouldn't say I am NOT a hard worker, but I wouldn't say I am a driven person who looks to work hard and accomplish things either. Is that weird, to never really set out to accomplish something? It's not that I have never accomplished anything, I have, just not with the direct purpose of accomplishing it. It's almost been simply by default. Imagine if your parents never set out to teach you to walk, talk or be a functioning person but they never directly prohibited you from watching or participating in all of society. You would learn the basics but  it seem unlikely you would trip and fall on being tremendously sociable.

So if I use the same logic I did with the sociable example above, I'd say it's pretty unlikely I'm going to trip and fall on some tremendous accomplishment in life. That's kind of sad. To make the realization that I may not ever really accomplish anything big. I guess I should change this.

It's kinda funny, this post was suppose to be about my dream of writing a children's book. When I started writing, I felt my self doubt kick in and say "How are you gonna do that? If you don't know how your going to do it, why post about it? What are you going to do next, write about how you want a million bucks and smaller thighs?" Well my answer to myself is this- I'm going to post it because I think I CAN put a plan in place to write a damn good children's book, even if it's only for my kids so I'll start there. 

Well I'll be damn! Did I just stumble upon the fact that goal setting and planning might have a purpose... kinda like my promises... holy shit I did.

You heard it hear first folks - COMING SOON TO SWO, a children's book by **S**

AND as far as the million bucks and smaller thighs goes snide Miss S, you do have a meeting  with a 401K guy on Friday and you go to the gym 4 times a week so shut up. Those could be post in the future if you really want to spend time focusing on them so don't let random self mind bashing ruin this.

Promise update - I'm not sure if it will be interesting to anyone else, but today's post was certainly interesting to me, so I'd say I succeeded with that.

Promise 28- get some brainstorming about this book out of my head and in writing somewhere -start "operation children's book" hahah

M's Promise #17

I finished half my homework and then no more stressing. I also decided I'm okay (for this class during this time of my life) that I'm okay with only doing half. It's probably all excuses as to why I feel like I can't/shouldn't/shouldn't have to, etc do all of it. But I've realized that and am ok with it.

Promise #17 - We have a LOT of decisions to make with my son's sports camps, summer camp, summer vacation, etc. Although I need others' input, my promise is to at least get the ball rolling with those decisions.

Talk to you tomorrow!

~M~

Home Sweet Home!

Happy to finally be home. Too bad stupid me thought it would be a good idea to turn the heat off... I  mean it was 55 when we left. Well it was 28 when we got home!! 42 is super cold too, which is the temp of this house now!

Off to warm up! I miss you SC and Steph and Addie and Sissy and Even and Dave.... and all my friends who live where it's NOT insanely cold!

Promise 27 - write something interesting tomorrow. Sorry for the boring post lately.

**S**

M's Promise #16

I've made it through a few chapters of my book and so far so good. It's actually very interesting.

My next promise, Promise #16 - Get in a couple hours of homework between now and tomorrow and from there, don't stress. I'd have to spend every minute from now until class tomorrow if I really wanted to finish it all and that's not gonna happen, so I won't stress when it's not all done.

Part 2 of this Promise - I also have to evaluate if my attitude on not completing all of my homework is appropriate. I really feel like it is, but I need to determine if that's just my excuse to not spend the full amount of time that's required.

~M~

Zoo

Great day at the zoo. Finishing up my visit. I'll see you tomorrow.

M's Promise #15

I only managed to accomplish one of my promises yesterday, apparently 2 is too much for me. I did clean up the house and it actually looks great when you combine all of the work my husband did, along with my final touches. I did not, however, clean out my car. Today is way colder than yesterday so I'm going to push back that promise to another day, esp since I'm still sick.

I'm really getting stuck on choosing promises now....I may need to hit up S for some suggestions. I'm sure there are a million things I could choose but I'm just not thinking of them or maybe I'm subconsciously avoiding them.

So, as I'm typing this, I have no idea what I'm going to type, I'll just let my fingers do the typing and make the decision for me - Promise # 15 - Ok, that didn't work, I've still got nothin. I know! I have a book that I need to start reading...It's about discovering my strengths. I will start it today!

~M~

Pause

We are staying in a hotel here in SC so Mac and I are in one bed and the kiddos in the other. I woke up this morning to Princess climbing into our bed and giving me a kiss. She then snuggled down beside me and covered up. Mac rolled over and put his arm around my belly. I looked over at Pickle to see if he was awake and smiled at me and said, "Good morning Mommy,"  then blew me a kiss.

PAUSE

Right there. I literally thought, oh how I wish I had a pause button for the world. What a most perfect way to wake up. I hope the rest of the day is more of the same!

Promise yesterday and today and tomorrow 24-25-26 Make the most out of this weekend, be happy, motivated and in the moment.

**S**

Text to post?

I want to see if this works. I'm headed to SC. I am sooo ready to het put of this car. Little princess is not the traveler! Let's see if this works!

M's Promise #13 and 14

So I'm a day late.... :( I didn't post yesterday. I also forgot like S. However, I did remember after I was laying in bed, and I didn't get up and do it like I should have.

I will make 2 promises today.

Promise #13 - It's such a nice day that I will clean my car out! Finally!

Promise #14 - My husband cleaned the house yesterday while I was at school, such a nice surprise to come home to! I will put some finishing touches on it, including doing some laundry, touch ups to the kitchen, etc.

IT'S FRIDAY AND IT'S BEAUTIFUL OUT!! CAN'T GET ANY BETTER THAN THAT!! :)

16 Mins!!

I almost forgot to post today!! Holy shit! The good news is, I'm getting stuff done. QB - done up til February 16th, last load of laundry in, house clean and almost ready done packing!! I'm excited.

Promise 23 Get up and out by 5 am... that will be a challenge. =) I'm happy today!!

**S**

Names

I have decided to go back and alter the names  I use in SWO . Right now, no one is really reading this, but I would just feel better if the names I have used are nicknames. So to those of you who have read this, I am sorry to confuse you!

Let me introduce:
Myself: S
My Hubby: Mac
My Boy (7):Pickle
My Girl (2): Princess

FYI Pickle and Mac (short for Mac & Cheese) are long time nicknames so they are fitting. =)  


Promise 21/22 in process, I am still working on QB. It will be done by posting time tomorrow!!

**S**

M's Promise #12

I have been complaining a lot lately, as anyone who has been reading these posts could probably tell. But today is different. I am still sick, still pregnant, still miserable, but quite frankly, I am one of the luckiest people in the world. I have a WONDERFUL family, like unexplainably wonderful. I have a great group of friends. I have a handsome husband who tells me he loves me when I'm sick, even with a bright red nose, messy hair and a raspy man voice. And we laugh together. I have an unbelievable son who's smart, sweet and just a perfect, caring best friend. Truly, I could keep on going... So today's promise is simple. Focus on and reflect on how lucky I am and how appreciative I am of all of the irreplaceable people in my life. Life will not get in the way of this today.

~M~

Love at first sight?

I believe in love at first sight. Not in the traditional, girl meets boy, way. To me, it's only been the girl meets friend way. Some people are very social and seem to have friends coming from everywhere... I'm not that girl. Never have been, never wanted to be, and honestly, not friendly enough to even try if you paid me. What I have been blessed with though, is to have met a handful of girlfriends that each seem to fit a part of me that is in desperate need of a counterpart.  Almost every great friend I have ever had, I still have and love with all my heart. I literally fell in love with them from the start.

I'm going to SC this weekend to visit my SC BF Stephanie.  Of all my friends, she stands out because she kind of chose me. She literally burst into my life like a blond, southern, guardian angle sent to stop me from being so pathetic. It was fantastic.

I left for work the morning Mac was planning to move back to OH. My head knew that he was leaving that day but I don't think my heart had quite caught up, so I went home during lunch time to check. There he was, packing his car, almost ready to go. I got out of my car, helped him finish packing and then watched him head north on 77 as I went south, back to work. I was in shock.

My mind was blank as I put my cigarette out and walked back into work. I stood at my desk for several seconds and then literally broke down into hysterics. I turned and passed my manager as I was walking, well racing, back to my car. I was humiliated, devastated, lost and scared out of my mind. There I was, 19, in a foreign state, no friends, no family, no plan.

That's when I met Steph. Well really, she met me. I don't remember the exact exchange, but I remember I tried really hard to dodge her multiple, insistent attempts to ask what had happened to me but couldn't. So there I stood, outside of my work, chain smoking cigarettes as I poured my heart out to a complete stranger. When I was finished, in the sweetest southern draw, I believe she said, and I'm paraphrasing here, something to the affect of, "Miss, you are a mess and he is an idiot. You are coming out with me tonight." She didn't said sorry, she didn't give me one more reason to feel sorry for myself. She simply told me what I was going to do. At that moment, I so very, very much needed someone to tell me what I was going to do.

And that's what we did. We went out, sang Karaoke, drank margaretas and ate Mexican food, met boys, stayed out too late, drank too much and had FUN. I don't believe a day passed after that, that we were not in contact. She ended up moving in with me and sharing some of the most carefree and exciting days of my life.

We lost contact with all of our moves and lack of such invasive technology like Myspace, Facebook, Cells, Blogs and just recently found each other. We are both wives and mothers now and so much time has passed. I am so happy and blessed and excited to see that beautiful, southern face, that saved me so many years ago, again! I love you Steph!!

Promise update- Homework chart done and used today!! =) yaya me

Promise 21 - 2 day promise, update quickbooks and get it to my accountant... and yes you will hear this promise A LOT and I HATE DOING QUICKBOOKS SOOOOOO MUCH!

**S**

M's Promise #11

So today I'm not only pregnant, I'm also sick. And that therefore makes me miserable....And when I get miserable, I want to tell stupid people all about themselves. For instance....And that's when my miserable mouth went on and on and on about people who were ticking me off. So I deleted all of that from my post and am sticking to the facts. Although I must say, I felt WAY better after venting all of that!! Even if I was just venting to a blog that I would end up saving and then changing before anyone could read!

However, the promise I originally made is still the same and I did succeed at it today... Don't tell a few certain people what I really think of them today, it won't be pretty.

I think I may use the writing/typing my venting more often! That way I don't bore my husband with all the whining, and I still get it off my chest!

~M~

Welcome Home!

I am home and real life has taken over. I had SUCH a fun weekend, I really hate to see it end but as with all good things, that had to happen. So, I'm finishing off some things around the house and no time to post!

Promise 20: figure out Pickles's new homework system

**S**

M's Promise #10

Yesterday's promise went well. I'm going to get my husband some very needed work clothes that he doesn't feel like shopping for. And then I'm starting to plan our trip away, which will be incorporated into V-Day. I told him some of my suggestions as our V-Day dinner yesterday and he was excited!

Today's Promise is no stress. I am sick....And normally I would stress myself out about getting as much work done on a day like today as I would when I'm 100%. And that's just not fair to myself. I'm going to take the day nice and easy and get done what I can, one little thing at a time.

~M~

$7.50

At $7.50 per 15 mins, there will not be much posting, but I promised everyday so here I am. Let me say- BEST > WEEKEND > OF > MY > LIFE! No kidding. My promise is to not make a promise because then I will over think it.

Promise 19: No promise =) I love that!!

**S**

Slacker's Promise #9

So, I obviously slacked yesterday and didn't post....No good excuse. However, I did make a promise, I just didn't post it. It was the same promise as the one before about seeing from my husband's point of view. All is good there now thank Goodness! But I forsee myself making that promise more in the future, b/c it shouldn't be that hard for me to make that promise, even if I am upset.

No crazy night out, but thanks for reminding me that we NEED WAY MORE of that! So, I'm in the process of planning a weekend away for us, somewhere hot.

Promise #9 - Think of something very special for my husband for Valentine's Day! He is sooo important to me and I don't want the busyness of our lives and the new ventures we're coming upon to mask how much he really does mean to me. We've got a lot going on right now, and none of that would mean even half of what it does if he wasn't doing it with me.

Look forward to posting again tomorrow.

~M~

Windsor

I'm off to Windsor and in one of my moods, nice. Bye.

Promise 18 change my mood NOW

**S**

Busy Weekend!

We are headed into the Valentines Day Weekend and Mac and I are going away! :) I'm very excited but busy.

Windsor here we come!

Promise 17:  Get up early and clean the house before we go.
Promise update: Chore chart is done but not up. I'm gonna pretty it up before I post it. The idea of the promise was that the chores were assigned so I guess this is a pass... but just barely.

Everyone have a safe and fun weekend. I will be posting and promising but they will be short and sweet.
M - Dare you to get rid of the boy on Saturday and plan a crazy night out with the in-the-dog-house hubby. If it's not a deal breaker might as well get over it sooner rather than later... hmmm??

**S**

M's Promise #8

Not sure why, but I'm running out of promises and quick! When I go home tonight, if my husband and I discuss the recent argument/discussion we had, I promise to try to put myself in his shoes and see the discussion from his point of view. As much as I don't want to b/c I'm ticked.

~M~

Love - Hate, Same thing right?

I hate my daughter.  Yes, you heard me right.. I hate her. Now before everyone goes all judgmental on me, let me clarify... Do I love her? Oh my GOSH, more than I could ever say. Do I LIKE her? Yes, she is smart, funny, charming and beautiful. If more people had her personality, I would have more friends. So why, do you wonder, do I hate her? Good question and the answer is...because of me. A few of my awful genes embedded in her tiny body during conception and didn't mix with my husbands. Ohh how I put stock in my husbands genes diluting all of mine but some got through. This tiny, stubborn, condescending, judgmental, bitch of a streak in that girl that sends me over the edge! My grandmother has it, my mothers sister has it, my mothers sisters daughter has it, my mother had it, I have it and NOW... SHE HAS IT.  Well to say the least- when our streak's flare up on the same day, well, that equals the statement, "I hate my daughter" and if I let her post, "I hate my mother."

Some of you have no idea what I mean. I understand and I even get that you think I'm a nut job. When I just had my son, I would have had a number of comments for someone saying that, including but not limited to, "If you would get your kid under control she wouldn't drive you so crazy. That poor kid deserves a better teacher!" The answer to my pre Princess self, coming from my post Princess self is this... "Pay back is a bitch and you'll get yours." WAIT! What?... that's not what I would say to me, that's what my mom would say to me... hmmm she must of taken over the keyboard from Heaven. Thanks Mom!! but I guess it's true.

Dear Princess is my payback. In every way that she is wonderful, sooo smart, funny and wonderful, she is my payback. She has been sent here with the tools needed to send me flying up walls and spinning in circles. Oh that girl.

mmmmmm hmmmmmmmmm. Ok, I feel better. I can be a better mom now and the moms who already conceived their paybacks, understand and know I'll be a nut job until my payback has her payback! Oh what a day that will be! I love you my dear, dear Lady!

Promise 16: Finish the chore chart. This is an extension of getting organized.

**S**

M's Promise #7

Wow, that looks great!!! I'm so proud of you! I need you to come to my house and work some of that magic!!

Yesterday went well, I wasn't feeling well so I probably would've relaxed all night anyway, but I really just laid in bed all night and watched tv. That was so overly lazy and ridiculous, but it fulfilled my promise!

So, for today's Promise, hmmm, I have such a busy evening already with working today, then parent/teacher conference after work, then my school after that, and then rushing home to watch the Celtics beat the Lakers, on top of dinner, etc. So it's going to be hard to fit something else in. I will be home though, and my laundry is piling up again, so I will do 2 complete loads of laundry.

After!

Update- I did it!! Well, I'm doing it. Here's the thing, I got done posting yesterday and I really called BS on myself. My husband and I own a business. I'd say someone in business 7 years has a bit of office furniture they could part with. So I went to our office today (which we are in the middle of moving so that worked out) and found tons of stuff we didn't need there. Is it exactly what I want in my 'home office'?? No. In fact, the desk I found is really only 1/2 a desk because we really use this at our office in our reception area just for looks so I stole half to use at home and left the other half to 'look' good at the office. The filing cabinet on the other side of the chair is pretty banged up and the lamp in the corner will really go in my living room... once I get that furniture this summer... but it looks pretty good I think and it cost me a grand total  of 4hrs (sorting, driving, moving and cleaning) and $0.00!! Not a spoiled price tag I'd say!

This summer when I get my 'perfect' home office stuff, at least I'll know if I will really use it, what I really need in an office and I will save time NOW, not later. I am so happy about this... but let's be honest, WILL IT LAST? 

Promise 15: weekly pic updates of the 'office'. NOT the cleaned up version, the 9 am on Friday pic once a week for 6 weeks (that's how long it take to form a habit I hear so that why the odd number lol)

Promise 11 update- I'm still calling my loved ones to catch up. Tonight, my bff from SC Steph. She just had a baby and we are planning a trip to see her! It's been almost 6 years. I am so excited!

**S**

M's Promise #6

Yesterday went well, I did not allow myself to get frustrated until about 5pm dealing with my husband. So, I don't really know if I kept this promise or not...Not sure how I was to avoid getting frustrated with him tho but that's another story.

Anyway, Promise #6 - I will do SOMETHING relaxing this evening. Yay!

Laziness = more work

Operation Get Organized! I'm feeling a lot out of whack today. I procrastinate and procrastinate and then FREAK OUT feeling out of control and moody. I'd say laziness breads more work.  What do you think??
This is my current "working conditions." Let analyze this for a minute.

Let's start with my spoiled excuses.
1. This is a new house (9 months)
2. I don't have a desk
3. I don't have a filing cabinet
4. This won't really be an office until we get the doors put in (it's really our dining room that will one day be the 'office') so there is no need to do anything to it
5. I am sick... well at least TODAY I really am
6. ummm... I have two kids (that's a good catch all)
7. I just don't have time

Wow, I ran out of excuses quick. I figured I was way more spoiled than that and could excuse my madness way better... I'm actually really disappointed in my old lazy self for not being able to come up with more reason's this situation is ok!

The "NEW" me look at this pic...
1. A phone book? Really **S**, you didn't even use that to look up a phone number, it was for Princess to sit on
2. Hey dead poisonous Christmas plant... would you come alive if you had that desk spoiled **S** was talking about?? - and FYI I almost retook the picture to exclude it because I was embarrassed!
3. When I get that filing cabinet, what am I going to label the file that includes that random blue and yellow round toy that both me and Pickle don't know the name to?? hmmm, I'll have to think about that?
4. So what papers are on the floor? I said I have two kids and 'can't keep up on this'- let see; tax info, Pickel's homework papers, pictures that you ordered to hang up, bills and ohhh don't forget open trash envelopes and junk mail.  Let's hope my 3 year old know what is what when she picks up the pink highlighter and pens that are down there to color.

Let's be honest, wouldn't you think a person who enjoys being lazy as much as I do would stop causing this much work for themselves? One would think so!

Ok, Ok.. enough bad mouthing of Spoiled **S**... she's about to fix it now!

Promise 14- I'm thinking everyone knows what it is but just in case... it's to fix this madness so I can have a less overwhelming day. No wonder I'm mad at Princess for not giving Pickle and me time to do his homework, it takes me 20 mins to find it!

**S**

M's Promise #5

UGH, that's a really hard question. And I really wish I had an answer. Definitely something I'll continue to think about.

Ok, so Promise #4 was successful. However, my husband now has a lot of his stuff to clean out of the closet, but my part is pretty much done.

Promise #5 - I will NOT get frustrated for the rest of the day. Stress free day no matter how much people annoy me and my hormones start raging.

~M~

Forgiveness Part 2

Here's the thing, I understand that forgiving someone is about helping yourself. I get that you are better off NOT feeling mad and angry and that you will have peace if you forgive and by default have a better existence. The problem I have is this, what if all you really want is that person, who needs the forgiving, to be in your life. How do you know when to allow someone back into your life after they have done something that you are having trouble forgiving? When does a forgiving attitude really just turn into being a push over? I have no idea, I guess it does come down to faith. Faith that you are inviting the right people into your life and faith that you will make the right choices.

Hmmm, I don't know this is making my sick head hurt. I'll have to revisit the idea later.

Promise update: to do list made and things are getting done. Turns out they are helpful.

Promise 13: This promise is already done and is the reason my post is so late. Mac and I are moving our office and he was in some dyer need of help so I stuck around to help. My promise was to stay until work was ready to go. I did and it really sucked because I am sick as *hit!!

**S**

M's Promise #4

Aaw, make me tear up. Thanks for that. It is wonderful to have such a true friend. You are my very best friend. I hope you know you're like a sister to me. But we don't fight, so how cool is that! :)

Well, yesterday's promise went well. Except I can't say I felt like a hottie when I went to Giant Eagle in my high-water bright blue pants. But I had to slip something on to go out, so oh well. My hair was done and my mascara was still on, so people you better look past my ugly pants!!

Promise #4 - I was going to say I won't get stressed out today. But it's a Monday and I'm at work, and it's just not a good day for that. Sooo...that's coming later this week. Today's promise is to clean out my closet! I love my closet but it's horribly cluttered so I WILL clean it today!

By the way Stace, I have been struggling with an answer to your forgiveness question, b/c struggle with this too. But here's the best answer I have so far... We learn about forgiveness the most from the Bible. Now, I'm not an avid Bible reader, and I'm sure it does say to forgive regardless. However, in order to get into Heaven, you have to ASK for forgiveness and MEAN it. That's when I think someone deserves to be forgiven. However, with that, you have to make sure you're not hurting YOURSELF by "hating" them during the time that they are not yet forgiven. These days you hear about people who have murdered someone being forgiven by their victim's family. WTF?! I don't get it. It has to be Faith, that's the only way that would be possible. That's a good future promise for me, work on my Faith.

Thank you M!

Welcome M, YAY! M is one of my few very true best friends in the whole world. She doesn't want to share personal details of her life but she has decided to post promises daily. I'm very excited that she has decided to add to SWO (Spoiled Wives of Ohio)! Thank you so much! I'm already really so excited to read your posts and see what your promises are everyday.  You are one of my very favorite people in life and I love you to death!! I think 2011 is going to be a very empowering year for us! I'll even make you a ticker at the bottom of the page to count down the year! 

We need to agree on a mutual promise to see each other more since we always put that on the back burner!

Promise update - I had a wonderful time talking to my (1) Grandma yesterday!  My list for the week of phone calls ~(2) Grandma and Grandpa B (3) Aunt Jenny (4) Grandma C (5) Steph (6) Dad (7) Aunt Vicki

Promise 12 - Make a to do list... what a concept! and do the things on the list and the quickest available time. hmmm do people do that on Sunday? We will see if lightning strikes me down when I pick up the pen.

**S**

M's Promise #3 (and an additional promise from someone special)

My promise from yesterday was fulfilled. I worked on my homework for over an hour, which was time I would've normally spent watching tv. Yay! So today's promise is a little different -
M's Promise #3 - I promise to feel pretty all day. This is very tough for me. But I started out the day knowing this was my promise so I was able to do some needed pampering...gave myself a pedicure, did my hair and even busted out the curling iron. So far so good! We'll see how the rest of the day goes....

Side note - My son heard of these promises, and decided he wants to make one for the rest of the day...So his promise for the day is to "listen to my parents and don't talk back". Great idea!

M's Promise #2

Ok, I'm now set up so I can continue my promises without having to add a comment every time. Thanks Stace :). My promise for the day was going to be to spend some quality time with my son, which we did this morning. So, my promise for the rest of the evening is to get some of my homework done! I've been putting it off until a couple days before it's due and now it's time that I start being a little more proactive so I don't get so overwhelmed. So homework here I come!

Forgiveness

Today I'm pondering something. Forgiveness. It's a concept that is hard for me to embrace or even understand. In my defense, this flaw does come naturally to me and was passed down from my mom. (as I know at least one of my readers can attest to ;) The problem I have is, I saw my mom struggle with her choice to hold grudges just before she passed away. It was clear that she regretted them and made huge strides to make them right before her passing. So this leaves me conflicted. I have her same tendencies to do the same grudge holding, but I desperately don't want to face the sorrow and lost years she did. If there is one thing I know, it's life is short.

This thought left me looking for answers and I found some 'opinions' I guess that I think are a good start.  Yes I googled "forgiveness" and that's where these came from.

Matthew 18:21-22
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

(forgiveness) It is a choice, a decision we make. However, as we do this "forgiving," we discover the command is in place for our own good, and we receive the reward of our forgiveness—freedom.  - Mary Fairchild

“Sincere forgiveness isn't colored with expectations that the other person apologize or change. Don't worry whether or not they finally understand you. Love them and release them. Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time.” - Sara Paddison

Any opinions? or better yet advise on how to start?


Promise update - I was nice.

Promise 11- Call someone each day this week that I should talk to more often and tell them how much I love them.

**S**

Spoiled? I mean despot.

"This time, you'll want to live intensely and avoid killjoy like the plague. In your domestic life, you'll tend to behave as a despot, and this may cause serious friction with your mate." - that is part of my horoscope today. 

Anyone wanna know what a despot is, well I did so I looked it up. It's,  "A ruler with absolute power, A person who wields power oppressively; a tyrant" Shit and I only call myself spoiled. Looks like I have some work to do. You should check out the new horoscope thing I have on my page... super inspiring as you can see.

Anyway, I was battling and you guessed it, stressing, about some work and personal things that are making me mad but this horoscope inspired me to stop. Whatever to my needless worry, I guess I'm headed to the casino. See ya tomorrow.

Promise update - no TV SUCKS BIG FAT... you know the rest but I did get that bath in.

Promise 11 - Despite my overwhelming urge, don't actually tell anyone 100% of what you think of them today, no good will come of it. (I guess that's a story for another day)

**S**

A Princess huh?

Looking back, there were signs. I mean she even raised my hormone levels high enough to ensure the announcement of her exsistance was made on Christmas Day.  Now that's a grand entrance. She messed with my sugar levels and gave me pregnancy induced diabetes. Turns out, she's a meat and potatoes kinda girl and my cookie intake probably didn't suit her palate. In true princess fashion, she showed up right on time, the fairest baby in the land. Our Princess was born, August 25, 2008 at a perfect 7 lb 4oz.

We didn't know at first, you know about her princess status. It took awhile for us simpletons to figure it out, but she did all she could to let us know.  She started with the most obvious sign, a trick. At 5 days old, she rolled over. We attempted to write it off as a fluke but she just kept at it, rolling over, day after day. We loved it, but to her disappointment we didn't know to send her back to her 'real' family, in a pink and purple sandcastle somewhere.

This oversight on our part caused her to up her game. If obvious magic and trickery didn't work, what better way then to be diagnosed with an almost extinct, third world disease? Thank you for filling that role Whooping Cough. At 44 days old, she spent a week in the hospital attempting to recover. Thank God, for the kiss from Prince Daddy came just in time and the spell was lifted quickly. In hindsight, I know this was when she realized we were her 'real' family and the pink and purple sandcastle wasn't coming. 

Once she got home, she was dismayed about her living conditions.  I mean, imagine the disappointment; the first 6 weeks of your life you believe your fated for grandeur, just to find out you get a simple house, normal crib and only one women to serve you... heart breaking!

The heartache showed nightly when I put her to bed. She simply could not sleep. I raked my brain on what could be wrong. I tried routine, music, swaddling, rocking, crying it out. I tried everything. It was one night, at my wits in that it hit me... THE PEA! There must be a pea under her mattress. I looked at her straight in the beautiful little face and explained bluntly, "I am sorry about the pea, it has been removed... in the future I will do what I can to insure proper sleeping conditions." She responded by sleeping soundly that night. That proved it, we were raising a true to life Princess.

Now that she is 2 going on 20, life is easier because she can explain how raising a princess works and she is extremely forthcoming with that information to insure I don't make any mistakes.
Ella: "I'm Princess."
Me: "I'm Mommy Princess."
Ella:"No, I'm a Princess, you're a Queen. A drama Queen."
Thanks for clearing that up for me, Sweetie!

There you have it folks, the true life fairly tail of Ella Princess and how she's surviving being raised by the average townswomen. I love you my sweet, Princess!

Promise update- So I ditched the bath and spent an hour picking up around the house for John. A little less spoiled I guess! Like I really need an extra reason to take a bath by promising to do it... I mean with that precedence, I should promise a mani pedi today!

Confession- I used my "promises" in a spoiled way today. I used it to solicit Mac to get my gym shoes out of the car by saying I would make my "promise" whatever he wanted.We all know now I'm a hooker!

Promise 10- no TV for 24hrs... it makes me lazy and distracted. I really don't like this one =( Gray's is new!!

**S**

If at first you don't succeed...

My promise yesterday was to spend some one on one time with Pickle.  Excited, we decided to play Six Flags Fun Park on the Wii. A few moments into playing, we were halted when we heard Princess screaming her pretty little head off, awake from her nap. We tried to continue, but reading the silly tasks of the game isn't really fun when a two year old is throwing a fit at your feet and trying to grab the controller out of your hand.

After that 45 minute ordeal, we decided on a plan, put the game away, eat dinner and then watch Open Season. Easy enough and fun too, so I thought.  This plan translated into, stop the game, eat a nasty experiment called Mom's dinner,  and watch Open Season NOT work in the DVD player.

Ok, Ok... that fine! Let's order Shrek Ever After. I love Shrek and Pickle has wanted to see the movie forever. Plus, I really scored points by suggesting it because Mac always tells him ordering from the TV is too expensive. Giddy, Pickle grabs blankets and 6 pillows to set up a bed on the couch. He lets me snuggle him on the couch (at 7 this is BIG) and I was on cloud 9... for ummm maybe 5 mins, that's when the ice from the big ice storm froze over our satellite dish and the cable went out.  No more SHREK.

Netflix! We will order something on Netflix, I suggest so quickly it was almost like someone else was using my vocal cords! Tension was running high for the OG and I desperately wanted to keep my status as preferred cuddler. Netflix was better than nothing. As it turned out, the best part of this plan was it didn't matter if Princess was repeating "I wanna watch princesses, I wanna watch princesses." OVER and OVER again, because it took only about 2 minutes to realize there was going to be no movie. The internet was out.

At this point I hang my head in defeat and took Little Miss Annoying to bed. When I came back, I expect to find Pickle freaking out but instead he had Family Feud in his hand. Great idea boy. We had a great time playing... until we lost in the final challenge questions with 198 points because the Wii controller stopped working... We were on EASY.

I had to put Pickle to bed after that.  So in the end, I got my cuddles and he got quite a story of misfortune to tell all day. I guess my promise was successful. I think we'll both always remember the night we were cursed.

Promise 9: Take a bath and relax, it's been a fun but long day with 5 kids!  What? I literally had this as my promise for 30 mins... see why this is self titled spoiled?? Ok, Real Promise give the house a good picking up before you crash, Mac will like not coming home to clutter due to 5 kids.

**S**

The OG

Once upon a time, in a far away suburb of Dayton, Ohio there was a young tired salesman and his stressed out student fiance. This brisk April night, they walked to a hole in the wall bar near their apartment and proceeded to ingest MANY jager bombs.  Before the night was over, their bar tab was astronomical...

Fast forward 4 weeks and this is where my story begins...

I was headed home from school the day after Mothers Day 2003, I was feeling queasy and paranoid, so I decided to picked up a cheap pregnancy test to calm my nerves.  I went home and took the test. Even before I turned to wash my hands, there were some crazy lines showing up on the test. My mind raced, "What the hell, stupid cheap test, I need name brand!" One hour and 2 tests later, it was confirmed - I was knocked up. So I did what any responsible young adult would do after finding out that news, stood out on my balcony, smoked 3 cigs and cried.

About 29 weeks along, at a routine doctors appointment, my doctor noticed unusually high blood pressure and some swelling. It was a matter of  days before I was put on bed rest in the hospital with preeclampsia. The few weeks I spent in the hospital were the lowest and most depressing of my life. I spent my days reading books about the day by day progression of my pregnancy and sleeping. I didn't want to see anyone and felt completely sorry for myself.

I was 33 weeks and 1 day along with the doctor came in and said, "Put that cinnamon roll down... if I was a betting man, I'd say there will be a baby today." My heart stopped mid beat. I'm not really sure what I thought had been going on the last few months, but for some reason it wasn't until those words that I realized there was a baby and he's too little and he was coming. 100% of my focus left myself instantly and sheer panic entered my heart for the little baby coming too early... The book had said, make it until 34 weeks and you're good... I was only 33.

During the cesarean delivery, I could only think of one thing, something my doctor had said during my first prenatal visit. "Sorry I'm late, I had to deliver a preemie... he could breath on his own though, that makes such a difference." I literally could not think of anything else, "If he can breath on his own, it will make such a difference. If he can breath on this own, it will make such a difference." At 12:32 pm, Friday, November 14, 2003 Pickle Head was born a whopping 4 lb 1oz and screaming at the top of his little working lungs.  Almost exactly 2 weeks later, our healthy little boy was sent home with us. That's when everyone sighed in relief. Well, everyone but me, that's when my worry really kicked in.

I worried sick about EVERYTHING. One time I almost had a panic attach because I wasn't sure if I rinsed his bottle well enough after washing it.  He would spend days, and I mean truly days, without crying. I worried about that. He was so well behaved that I knew it was freakish and that too... you guessed it, worried me. I'm very sure I lost years of my life the first few months of his life, simply from lack of sleep (you know, because I was up watching him while he was SLEEPING the night through) and worry.  I remember looking at him with the real literal thought in my head that he was too good to be true.


Pickle, he is 7, tan skinned and dark featured like his father. A mini-me of Mac really, you wouldn't know  he was mine if it wasn't for his personality and crazy obsession with sweets.  He's still pretty well behaved but I'd say he's lost the freakishly good label. One thing that hasn't changed though is my worry for him. For some reason I still worry sick about him. In preschool, he lost a little pigment around his left eye. The dermatologist said there is really no way to know if that would every spread or why it happened. I sometimes stay up night thinking about the challenges that would cause him if it spread and I panic I won't be able to prepare him.  Two Christmas's ago he started a weird tick with his eyes and I spent months thinking of brain tumors and tourettes. The real truth, though, is I'm crazy and he is a healthy and smart and the most amazing boy ever. He's the Original Gangster and he made us a family.

Promise update: So I sent the link to a couple of friends and they are reading it or at least clicked on it =) Thanks guys

Promise 8: Spend a couple of hours really playing and talking to Pickle. It's time to appreciate the OG

**S**

Join Me!

I've decided to shift my focus a little with this blog. I'd like to find, not only housewives, but wives in general who also have an interest in being held accountable for their lives. Women who are willing to document their choice to accept responsibility for their lives and where it's going. Today, I'm going to start looking for wives that want to join me in making 365 promises to themselves and sharing their journey online; the good, the bad, the exciting, and the boring.

Wives out there.. who is willing to tell their story. Who admits that their life could be better if they took charge of their decisions and led a more purpose driven life? Mine would be. We could throw out daily topics to write about like sex, babies, getting old, etc. We could read other stories and give advise and no bullshit feedback. This blog won't be for the "poor me" or "it's not my fault" kinda gals. Call me gay but it sounds like fun to me. Also, everyone would have to write everyday like I do... that's something I promised to do because I want to focus on my writing. I think the important thing would be to set how ofter you "promise" to write and go from there.

So, where do I start this since I don't even know how to get people to my blog? Great question seeings as though one week ago I wasn't even going to tell my husband about this new little hobby. I guess I will have to send a link to the few wife friends I do have and see how it goes!

Listen my wife friends... don't laugh at me bitches! I love you guys, who wants to do this with me?? Any takers?

Promise update - I started on a B vitamin today, I'm hoping that will help me! Fingers crossed

Promise 7 - send this link to some people I trust not to make fun of me ;)

**S**

How tired is too tired?

So unless you're about as perceptive as a possum, you may have noticed the last couple of days haven't been the greatest. My moody craziness seeping through now? Normally, I would not have admitted to anyone that I was feeling that out of whack, both Friday and Saturday, I couldn't think of one non self loathing thing to post about.  I still wasn't able to sit down and really articulate exactly what was wrong, but I'm hoping that will come with time. I could sit here and list the reasons for my mood; we were almost late to Princess's first dance class, we got in a fender bender and Mac completely blamed it on me, I was tired because I stayed up late both nights, and just for argument sake, I'm sure Mac and the kids were being pretty annoying but the confusing thing is, the list of great stuff those two day's is even longer; Princess had her first dance class and we were not late, Pickle started guitar lessons, I took a 2.5 hour nap on Friday, hung out and had a movie date with Mac Friday night, saw a movie without the kids on Saturday while Mac cleaned the house TOP TO BOTTOM, Pickle had a friend stay over and went shopping for fun clothes for Princess... A dream weekend for most. The moral of the story, my mood wasn't proportionate to what was going on.

Now that I can take a clear look at things, I think I'm going to focus on the cause being how tired I was. Both Thursday and Friday I stayed up until about 2 am and got up around 8 (of course Friday I did have a 2.5 hr nap). For most, this may have made them a little tired and grumpy but I don't think my level of being tired was really, I don't know, "normal." By 5 pm on Saturday, I was in tears because Mac wanted to go out and I didn't. We even got in a huge blow up steaming from the fact I didn't want him to go without me, part because I was mad I couldn't go because I was so tired and part because if he goes out late, I have trouble sleeping until he gets home... AND I NEEDED SLEEP! Either way, it was 100% a stupid fight.

I think I'm going to investigate a medical cause for this. I workout 2-4 times a week, I quite smoke 3 years and 3 months ago, I eat lean meat and very limited fast food. The only way I could see that I contribute to this, is when I eat too many sweets and I do like to drink, which I do 1-3 times a week (but didn't do Friday or Saturday).

Now that everyone is snoozing, please don't stop reading my blog. I promise, I will have cute, clever, funny, hopefully well written posts mixed in with my moody, self reflection post. I'd love to hear comments! good, bad or otherwise.

 Promise update - bed a 11 and up at 8 then a quick resleep until 9 - feeling a lot better

Promise 6 - Do some research on vitamins and supplements that may help with energy and being tired. I'm not currently on any vitamins, so this seems like a good place to start!

**S**

Hi

I said sometimes I could just say hi. So Hi. I'm still tired and grumpy. I'm really not in the mood to do this. I go from one extreme of loving to put the story together to hating to even think of a complete sentence to explain anything.  Really fucking bad mood.

Promise 4 - I did turn my mood around last night but the mood creeped back today. WTF I guess that's why I'm doing this.

Promise 5 - go to bed early and wake up early in the morning to get moving.

**S**

Attitude - yup, I have one

"The remarkable thing we have is a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude." - Charles R Swindoll

My plan today was to write about Pickle but right now I'm tired, irritated and frustrated. I don't feel like writing or dealing with the house full of kids I currently have and that's that. I was on Facebook trying to avoid writing at all and I came across the quote above on someones status. I'm going to decide that quote is true and decide to act differently the rest of the night. I feel like this is a time I would normally disengage, let John handle everything and act like a brat. I may have done that most of the day, but NOT tonight! Let's see how this goes. 


Promise 3 update- It took until 2:07 am but I did it!


Promise 4 - Stop acting like a tired bitch because you had to stay up until 2 doing laundry - you had a 2.5 hr nap so don't lie!

**S**

Promises

I woke up yesterday morning at 9am and the first words out of my husbands mouth are, "What were you doing online last night?" I was baffled since I specifically decided to avoid his making fun of me and NOT tell him about this blog for awhile (damn those beers I had before bed, I forgot to close my word document). At this point, I'm hoping he's talking about something else... "What do you mean??" I say with fake puzzlement. Directly he says, "Spoiled Housewife's... sounds like a porn site." So with that, my little secret of 10 hours was thrown into the atmosphere and I felt, well, really fucking stupid.

The rest of the day I was concerned; Do I have him read it? Do I say nothing? Do I wonder if he's reading it? Shit, I look like a tard! We talked a little about it and I ended up having him read it so I could just get it out of the way. After that, I went from feeling stupid to just plain embarrassed. After I wrote our story though, I really started feeling confident. There is nothing in this world right now that I am more interested in or passionate about than my family. What better way to renew my passion for writing, a topic I could go on and on and on about. I don't care if this doesn't interest anyone else, I only care that I give my life, our life and story, a voice. Now my brain is going crazy with wonderful, exciting ways to do that!

Pick a topic... Mac's cheating father, my alcoholic ex-cop father, our preemie baby, our hell child, starting a business, gambling, traveling, my mom's death or Mac's battle with his temper... I could go on for DAYS and now I have 362 more to do just that.

What is even more exciting about this is, to get back to my topic of Promises, I'm already seeing some of the ways this is going to help me. Day 1, I decided to promise myself on paper (well screen) to write everyday. I knew this would make sure I had a reason to write - you know, what if I didn't write one day and that was the ONE day I got a view on this stupid thing?? SOO, Day 2, after bringing back wonderful memories of me and Mac, I was inspired to give him a little.. ummm "promise 2" and OOOHHH did I!

Without going into detail (no need to prove Mac right and turn this into a porn site), I was in the mindset to be more giving. I was ready to have fun and without even trying or planning anything. I didn't do what I thought he wanted or what I normally do, I just went with it. It made such a difference, not because "I'll do it because I 'promised' to", it was  "I promised to because I really want to do it."  It helped me own the fact that sex wasn't something that just happened, but something I really wanted to make happen. When we were going to bed later that night, I honestly said, "Man, that was kind of empowering." STOP HERE.... WHAT?? That's what I said I wanted to do in the description of this blog! It really hit me like that. I wanted to jump up and down screaming, "I did it. I'm doing it... what I said I wanted to do!!" It made me feel... wait for it... even more empowered.

So just like that, with a couple promises and some great sex, I'm 100% convinced this year and my life will be better because of this blog. I hope I can find a few people to join me!


So, Promise #2 ~ check and CHECK, if I do say so myself! Good lookin out S!

Promise #3 ~ Get the fucking laundry done lazy. I mean all of it. Done doesn't mean the last two loads in the washer and dryer... it means ALL washed, dried, folded and put away... before bed! (damn, I'm a bitch to myself. Maybe that's tomorrows topic!)

**S**

My Husband

Awww... my husband, how do I explain him? Just thinking about trying makes me laugh but I'll give it a whirl. He is an extremely routine oriented, hard working, money driven salesman by nature. He likes sports and beer and money. He's meticulous, direct, crude, judgmental, funny, handsome, charming, and driven. Coming from a dad that was not a good example as husband, father or person for that matter, he battles his anger at times and can try to control things. Other than that, he kills himself to do the opposite of everything his dad does/did and is a wonderful father and husband. Here is our story:

We met January of our freshman year of high school. I was little miss goody two shoes and he was (I really don't mean to offend anyone here) a cute, baseball player who acted, frankly, like a wigger, WAY to wild for me but a friend of mine found out he liked me and introduced us. We spent a little time together and had been dating  for a couple of months when my mom died. After that, I broke things off and we went our separate ways for the summer. Spinning from the loss of my mom, I spent that summer losing my little miss goody two shoes act and in true 16 year old fashion, he spent the summer getting HOT.

Once our sophomore year started, I quickly noticed my error in judgment and won him back one week later. After that, we were pretty much the on again, off again, classic high school couple. We really loved each other but acted like teenagers. We spent most of our days smoking cigs and pot behind the school and drinking when we could find a way. We didn't really get into trouble trouble but pot kind of took over Mac's world and he quit baseball his junior year and midway through our senior year, dropped out of school entirely .  My policeman father was pretty much MIA after my mom died, Mac's dad screamed a lot but didn't follow though with anything and his mom didn't bother to do either. Really, we only had each other to depend on. I tried everything to get him to understand what pot was doing to him and even quit smoking pot my senior year as an effort to encourage him to do the same. It didn't make a difference because he didn't and really still doesn't, think that is the reason his life took a dive. Anyway, after I graduated and John got his GED (2 months b/f our graduating class) we headed off to South Carolina where we tried to live like grownups.

In SC we learned a lot, but mostly Mac learned he was a hell of a salesman and I learned I was very bitter about our past. It wasn't to long before Mac moved home to OH and I stayed in SC.  I worked, partied, dated and even lived on my own for the first time ever.  Mac and I didn't talk or have any communication at all.  I don't want to get all sappy and 'we are meant to be' on you, but really what happened next was weird. About 9 months into our break up, I was home from work, cleaning my apartment, jammin to some country music when my dad called to tell me that he FINALLY left his crazy wife that had tormented me during high school. When I got off the phone, I was so excited, I thought "Man, I have to tell John!" It was like I forgot he wasn't there. I sat on my stairs, holding my old school big white cordless phone and put my head down.  I was hit in the face with how much I missed him.  Then, I mean RIGHT THEN, my phone rings and it is him. To this day, this is one of the most defining moments in our relationship.  He had finally broken down and called to say he missed me and I couldn't hide my excitement. I don't recall the exact time line, but a few months, a couple of heartbroken ex's in our paths and 1 road trip later, I was back in Ohio. 

It was then, when we were 20, that we really started the core of the relationship we have now. He worked selling cars and I went to school. We lived in a little bachelor pad with a pool table in the dining room and a mattress on the floor. We had fun, partied and spent every bit of his 100k income on nothingness. We became friends and put the past behind us and moved forward. Then, the day after Mothers Day 2003 AND while we were planing our very exciting wedding in St. Lucia, I found out I was pregnant. Obviously, this changed everything and in true Mac and S fashion, almost exactly 4 weeks later, we ditched St. Lucia, flew to Vegas and got married. June 6, 2003. <3

My pregnancy was very hard and I ended up on hospital bed rest for weeks and delivered our son, Pickle, 7 weeks early on November 14, 2003. During this time, me moved to a little rented house and Mac quit his high paying, time consuming sales job to help me while I was sick with preeclamsia. He took a low paying telemarketing job only as a last resort because we had no money. It didn't help that he didn't have a drivers license anymore due to MANY un-handled traffic tickets.

With a premature baby, money problems and legal issues looming, life was suddenly very overwhelming. Not to brag or anything but we manned together and fought our way out of it with a quickness. Mac took that telemarketing job and, with the help of my brother, cut out the middle man in order to start working for himself. Once the money started rolling in again, we went to every county that he owed and started facing the consequences for his actions, to the tune of over two thousand dollars and 10 days in jail. Very quickly we were right back on track, at least on paper.

Once the dust settled something was wrong with us. We were not working anymore and we both knew it. Even though we had a healthy baby, money and spent plenty of time together because he worked from home, we didn't think we could make it. We took a drive to the, what is now a famous place to us, Root Beer Stand. As waitresses hurried past us on roller skates, we sat in the car and started calmly discussing what was going to happen with our divorce; I would stay in the house, he would support Pickle and me until I got a job, then we would work out child support etc... that was when it hit me, what the hell are we doing? He is my family, my only real family. Would I have a conversation with my dad and say "Ok, here is all your stuff, it was nice knowin ya but I'll never see you again?" NOOO. That's where we both stepped back and said stop it, we are family and now A FAMILY, this isn't going to fall apart. We left the Root Beer Stand and made some changes, BIG changes. I stopped trying to control him (I should enjoy him while I still have him was my thinking) and the craziest thing happened, he stopped 'needing' to be controlled. We started respecting each other as people and that's where we ended up.We have love, respect and the willingness to battle everyday to keep it. We run our current business and are raising, not only Pickle, but his not so easy going sibling Princess - August 25, 2008 <3. We bought our first home July 2010 and the rest is TO BE CONTINUED...

Promise 2 - Tonight, have sex with my best friend and husband - man we have a good story! ;)

Anyone else have a promise to make? =)

**S**

Spoiled, depressed or just plain LAZY?

So I guess this blog is really about calling bullshit on myself. Over the last 2 years, I have started to "settle" into my life.Here's the thing, I am REALLY HAPPY! I am... but honestly, I feel like I am happily letting my brain fall asleep... no kidding. I'm not sure if it's plain laziness, slight depression maybe or what but it has got to stop. 

Ok, I will never claim to be a science rocket. I graduated high school with a 3. something and have only some college classes under my belt. You will find misspellings, some bad grammar and just plain stupid things in this blog, I have no doubt, but let me give you some examples of what I mean. I posted on my facebook this "overwhelmed by my lack of patients these last few weeks... holy cow LADY calm the %$#! down 2010 was a wonderful year and 2011 is going to be better so stop it!" Well, it took a nurse friend of mine to point out that she had patients, I needed patience. Then, in normal conversation, I mentioned someones behavior was 'erotic' when I meant 'erratic', it took DAYS to figure out why that friend laughed at me . No big deal you may think but I took honors English all through high school and my freshman year of college. I have found myself confused during conversations about current events and have noticed I'm developing a fear of driving on the freeway because my husband always drives! I LITERALLY feel myself becoming stupid. 

You may say, "Ok then, go back to school, get a job do something to stop it. Why are you writing about it?" Well there are two reasons; One, I use to write all the time. I really enjoyed it and I was good at it. Writing seems like a good way to get my mind going again. The second reason is, I think I LIKE being lazy. My husband lets me sleep late in the morning if I want. Hey, guess what, I want! He will make dinner if I don't want to and I hate to cook. Hell, when I told him I was feeling like I was getting stupid, he said "wow, that sounds expensive." That may sound condescending to some but really he was just saying "do whatever you want to fix it."

SO, with all that said, I have decided to change things. No more, "I was so busy with the kids" (when most moms know the kids are not ALWAYS out of hand) No more "I'm really tired" when I slept til 10am and didn't leave the house except go to the gym. I need to be more giving and less taking of my husband. I need to use the talents I was given to make a mark on this world other than my two children. I will break this fog of spoiled laziness I'm in, even if I really do like it.  <3

Promise 1:  Post EVERY DAY for a year! Even if it is just a quick hi and even if no one ever reads or comments on this blog

I'd love to hear your promises to yourself - Let me know!

**S**